So on that note I was having such a good day today until I decided to cook Butter Chicken for dinner.....I just had to taste it to see if the chicken was too tough....what I didn't need to do is taste it .... as much as I did...in the end when Adele was not interested at all in my Butter chicken of course I took three rather large spoonfuls with rice and sauce and I have to say it tasted divine!!!! However I am feeling the aftermath, 1) my gut feels heavy and 2) I feel the guilt of failing. So rip into me... come on I can hear some of you being a little too nice I don't need nice I need tough.
I do have a photo of my 4 week mark to show you...I lost 10.4 kg, 15cm around my waist and a total of 43cm all over.
So I begin my nest 4 weeks at 88.9kg, which means I reached my first my first reward an also enjoyed my pedicure today for breaking 90kg!!!!
I know it is hard to understand why I did what I did today with the Butter Chicken, I guess I just like to eat and cook yummy stuff. My conclusion is that I will not be cooking Butter Chicken for a while!!!
What I really wanted to share with you all tonight was a far more wonderful experience I had in my marriage this week. I was having one of those days when you question everything...who I a, what I am doing here and how can I do better....why do I seem to fail all the time, I honestly feel like I was a better parent when I started this than I ever am today, I had well let’s just say I felt like I was doing good with Adele and now with the both of them I just feel like I am drowning in my own self doubt and guilt. Ok so this brings me to my break down on Tuesday evening and a really sweet conversation we had together, I just spoke and my Husband just listened and reassured, he didn't try to fix he just listened. I have wanted to ask him for a Blessing and I know it has been a point of contention in our relationship for two reasons I guess, his doubt in how it works and also his feelings of pressure from me from how I have talked about blessing I have had in the past. Well I asked and without hesitation he did. It was a most beautiful and sweet experience. Ronnie and I have not shared a lot on a spiritual level for lots of reasons but I can honestly say it was one of the loveliest blessings and moments in our relationship. The blessing said some beautiful things, the one that stood out the most was that “…the hand of God would touch my brain to make it better…” ; it answered the pleadings of my heart at this time.
I have been focusing so much on the physical side of Becoming Melissa that the emotional and spiritual have been pushed to the background and I wanted you to know that it is important to me. No matter how healthy I am or how much energy I have, or how much I weigh I do know at the end of the day when I stand before my God.... it will be what kind of Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter and Friend I have been??? What kind of Saint I have been that really matters.
So the whole eating thing is just a part of my plan. I am recommitting to read my scriptures, to counsel more with the Lord where my parenting is concerned and to get to the temple.... a whole lot more than I am at the moment.
I want to finish tonight by sharing with you that which is most sacred to me and which burns within me at this time ....
I know that God lives...he is my Father and I look forward to the day I can return with honour to His loving arms to be embraced by Him....to be with Him and my loved ones...to go no more out!