Well this is my story of how I am "Becoming Melissa". I was racking my brain with what to call my blog and think the word journey and path are a little cliche, but that was what I wanted to write about...my story. So being the big Jane Austin fan that I am I decided to steal the idea for her movie they made, Becoming Jane.


Friday, July 23, 2010


What good does guilt ever do? We feel guilty for spending too much money; for eating too much food or just whatever food is deemed "BAD" (P.S. I hate the fact that people think food is good and bad, and talk about being naughty when you eat the "BAD" food....there are much worse things we can do than eat a lovely rich creamy dessert!!)
Or if we watch too much TV or say something bad about someone and they find out!!! I mean really how often does "Guilt" actually motivate us to do better??? Before you get carried away with a response, I pose you this...as women ... more particularly Mothers do we feel guilty about stuff, from yelling too loud or not cooking dinner or having the washing folded or not getting to cleaning the floors or smacking our kids or just plain doing the wrong thing!!!!!!

So does guilt actually motivate us to do better?

I would say no, guilt is a purely self indulgent emotion that we get bogged down in. I say self indulgent because it can allow us to justify being a victim!! And victims have their own pay off and that is that it isn't really their fault at all.

Ok so the whole point to this is that it is Godly Sorrow for actual "SIN" that allows us to move forward and desire better for ourselves. There is a huge difference in feeling guilty about making a choice that maybe wasn't so good for us; or for our children and actually sinning. Is it a sin to eat chocolate?? No; most certainly not. No more than it is to raise your voice in frustration at your kids!! We are not perfect beings therefore our actions will not always be perfect, but I would strongly argue that every mistake or choice we make that is not our best choice is a sin! Anybody who wishes to challenge me on this...please do!!
Guilt only has one Author, Satan...as for Godly Sorrow; there is only one source for that!!

That is my thought for the day...P.S. I am feeling very good!!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

What Matters Most

I know it has been a while since I talked to you all but I feel it is important to commit to writing at least twice a week and to let you know how I am doing...kind of another way to be accountable.

So on that note I was having such a good day today until I decided to cook Butter Chicken for dinner.....I just had to taste it to see if the chicken was too tough....what I didn't need to do is taste it .... as much as I did...in the end when Adele was not interested at all in my Butter chicken of course I took three rather large spoonfuls with rice and sauce and I have to say it tasted divine!!!! However I am feeling the aftermath, 1) my gut feels heavy and 2) I feel the guilt of failing. So rip into me... come on I can hear some of you being a little too nice I don't need nice I need tough.

I do have a photo of my 4 week mark to show you...I lost 10.4 kg, 15cm around my waist and a total of 43cm all over.

So I begin my nest 4 weeks at 88.9kg, which means I reached my first my first reward an also enjoyed my pedicure today for breaking 90kg!!!!

I know it is hard to understand why I did what I did today with the Butter Chicken, I guess I just like to eat and cook yummy stuff. My conclusion is that I will not be cooking Butter Chicken for a while!!!

What I really wanted to share with you all tonight was a far more wonderful experience I had in my marriage this week. I was having one of those days when you question everything...who I a, what I am doing here and how can I do better....why do I seem to fail all the time, I honestly feel like I was a better parent when I started this than I ever am today, I had well let’s just say I felt like I was doing good with Adele and now with the both of them I just feel like I am drowning in my own self doubt and guilt. Ok so this brings me to my break down on Tuesday evening and a really sweet conversation we had together, I just spoke and my Husband just listened and reassured, he didn't try to fix he just listened. I have wanted to ask him for a Blessing and I know it has been a point of contention in our relationship for two reasons I guess, his doubt in how it works and also his feelings of pressure from me from how I have talked about blessing I have had in the past. Well I asked and without hesitation he did. It was a most beautiful and sweet experience. Ronnie and I have not shared a lot on a spiritual level for lots of reasons but I can honestly say it was one of the loveliest blessings and moments in our relationship. The blessing said some beautiful things, the one that stood out the most was that “…the hand of God would touch my brain to make it better…” ; it answered the pleadings of my heart at this time.
I have been focusing so much on the physical side of Becoming Melissa that the emotional and spiritual have been pushed to the background and I wanted you to know that it is important to me. No matter how healthy I am or how much energy I have, or how much I weigh I do know at the end of the day when I stand before my God.... it will be what kind of Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter and Friend I have been??? What kind of Saint I have been that really matters.
So the whole eating thing is just a part of my plan. I am recommitting to read my scriptures, to counsel more with the Lord where my parenting is concerned and to get to the temple.... a whole lot more than I am at the moment.
I want to finish tonight by sharing with you that which is most sacred to me and which burns within me at this time ....
I know that God lives...he is my Father and I look forward to the day I can return with honour to His loving arms to be embraced by Him....to be with Him and my loved ones...to go no more out!