Well this is my story of how I am "Becoming Melissa". I was racking my brain with what to call my blog and think the word journey and path are a little cliche, but that was what I wanted to write about...my story. So being the big Jane Austin fan that I am I decided to steal the idea for her movie they made, Becoming Jane.


Wednesday, June 30, 2010


I woke up yesterday morning ... was feeling pretty tired and the weather was screaming to stay home.... all day and so was my weary body. However I had things to do, it was the end of the financial year and stuff needed to be paid!

So after a morning of ironing dishes and attending to my two lovely children it was actually time to shower!!! So I did… And then I went down stairs and I got my all the time only pair of jeans out of the dryer. I proceeded to dress and experienced the zipping up of my jeans with a greatness of ease. No excess fat to fight or contort so not to get pinched by the zip. Just straight up and out of the dryer even....oh my goodness instead of my clothes shrinking in the wash I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am feeling good, it has been not without challenge as you know but I am getting that excitement to mark my progress. I lost another 9cm this week, the most exciting was 2cm around my bust, I know most women might find that distressing...not me, a 14F is just not something I would ever get excited about. Bring on the D cup!!! I don't even care that I may have to fold them onto a C cup, anything is better than this. A good friend pointed out I could always get them filled up....this is true but actually choosing surgery is not something that I get excited about, just don't like it. I figure my husband will just have to deal with the..."let down" LOL and I am sure that won't be a problem!!

To all of my 4 followers I send my love...thank you for finding my little journey interesting enough to spend your precious time reading about!!!

Love ME

Monday, June 21, 2010

The Second Week Begins!!!!

Ok so last night I got to measure my progress and I have lost a total of 20.5cm around my body, The biggest loss is my waist....9cm!!!! %cm off my hips (the largest part of me) and only 2cm off my bust but it is all progress. I was pretty stoked at that. Towards the end of last week I was struggling, you may have guessed that if you read my last blog. But seeing the results last night it has definately been worth it.

We (my sweetheart and I) discussed with my four year old that Mama is doing a healthy eating plan and that it is to get my body smaller so that my back doesn't hurt and so Mama can have more energy, etc. Well she keeps looking at me and saying...

"Mama!! You are smaller! It is working!!"

Bless her sweet little heart, I am not sure if you can actually see a difference but it is very cute that she has an interest and that she wants to encourage me. She also asked me the other day while eating tiny teddies if they are healthy. My response was that eating them a little bit sometimes is healthy but not all the time!!

Well I am back to the grind. It has been almost a week since I had a whole day to focus on my home so I have lots to do!!

Love Melissa XXOO

Sunday, June 20, 2010

The Truth Hurts

The most interesting thing to me this week has been the emotionally journey that has been unleashed by my not having the ability or distraction of eating. It is almost as if I feel exposed. In social settings I would hide in my food. Don't get me wrong I am not a shy person...in fact quite the opposite, but I have realised as much as food is my comfort in my quiet solitude, it has been my support when I am out and about. I guess like a drunk I would get my dutch courage through whatever I was eating. It may sound weird but in an odd way I think that has been my reality.

I like to feed people, I always say that I love food, but maybe that to is a crutch, something to hide behind. It makes sense really I mean when you see a good movie or read a good book you want to share that experience, that is me with food, I enjoy food sooo much that I want to share it. I do believe I am realising how much food has numbed so much of what I don't really want to feel. As Latter-day Saints I guess we do not have much of an opportunity to drown our sorrows with alcohol so food becomes our drug or choice. Well it has most certainly been mine.

My name is Melissa and I am a foodaholic!

How does one make that diagnosis?

Let me see I guess if you have an eating dissorder that would help with the diagnosis, sit there for a minute, I read something once that was a definition of an eating dissorder, I am going to find it, I love GOOGLE!!!

"Eating disorder" is when a person eats, or refuses to eat, in order to satisfy a psychic need and not a physical need.

That is a given there is definately an emotion rather than physical need for em to eat the amount of food I eat.

Ok so that is good yeah well now the definition of Addiction -

"Historically, addiction has been defined with regard solely to psychoactive substances (for example alcohol, tobacco and other drugs) which cross the blood.....

Many people, both psychology professionals and laymen, now feel that there should be accommodation made to include psychological dependency on
... [other] ... such things ... food, .... so these behaviors count as 'addictions' as well and cause guilt, shame, fear, hopelessness, failure, rejection, anxiety, or humiliation ..."

SO where I am going with this? My conclusion is that this is going to be way harder than I had ever thought. This "DIET" is totally exposing me on a whole new level. Even to the point that I am totally uncomfortable with calling it a diet, I refer to it as an eating programme but the fact of the matter is that it is a diet and I hate telling people that because I feel like I am crossing over to the side of society that says every one should look a certain way and if you don't then go on a diet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could just scream because I hate that attitude, I grew up with that belief system. My Mum was constantly telling me ...
"You should develop good eating habits now while you are young so you don't struggle like me"

Now when you read that you may get this mental picture of my Mum and that perhaps here is a woman who obviously struggles with her weight. Must be a large woman....well I am hear to tell you, not even close. She is beautiful, and everyone who meets her will always comment on what an attractive woman she is. She is not super skinny, but at most she has been a size 16. Probably accept for pregnancy I would say she has never weighed more then 80kg.

My issue is rebellion. Your parent says one thing and you get sick of hearing it, what do you do?? You run so far in the other direction. I eat what I want when I want. I won't be like you.

I refused to diet before I got married, because everybody else does. "I just want to loose 5 more kilos before my big day....before that holiday....before my cousin's wedding...before my school reunion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The whole truth and nothing but the truth.....I say that same thing to myself in my head and I hate myself for giving into the shallow truth that the world....that man has said is acceptable.

So is the issue really food? I think we all know the answer to that.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Day 5

Well it is Day 5 today and this is how my week has gone...

Tuesday (Day 1) Went to bed with a massive headache...no guessing it was sugar withdrawals!!! Had a terrible night sleep and headache was still there in the morning.

Wednesday (Day 2) So that lovely headache seemed to dissapate with a lovely egg and 95g of vegetables!! Of course a hefty drink of water always helps!!! Just feeling tired.

Thursday (Day 3) Ok so I am doing ok...a few little temptations yesterday...I am really enjoying the food I am eating but would like about three times the portion size...obviously my body is not used to eating from all the fat stores I have spent the last year investing in and prefers a much more instant approach to where the fuel comes from... yes I am feeling hungry but I know what I am eating is enough...I am just used to more than enough.

Friday (Day 4) I know I am not suppossed to hop on the scales but I can feel those lovely back rolls dissapearing already...so I have lost exactly 4kgs already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot believe it either and I know I have a long way to go but more than that I am feeling very in control.

I was driving in the car late yesterday and just felt so much lighter. I feel like I have been freed from bondage. I don't want to eat everythiong in sight, I am not suppressing my emotions like I normally would with food and I am not obsessed with what I could eat next!!! Although I have had little temptations along the way and my love for food hasn't really changed, I don't have to eat it!!!

Take Thursday night for example, I cooked Butter Chicken for dinner for the rest of the family. I love Butter Chicken, it was just out of a jar of course to satisfy my need to be preparing simple meals for others. However true to form I don't just serve it with rice. I made a yoghurt dressing with mint and grated zucchini, some cheesy tortillas toasted and cut into little triangle to go with it. I even plated it up with the rice in a nice mold and everything. I had a major light bulb moment realising that I can still enjoy food with out having to over indulge my body. I can still be a MASTER CHEF...(which I am) and not be so fat!!!!

So all of that really helps me out for what I was doing yesterday and today (Saturday-Day 5). It is my sister Kellie's 40th Birthday party today and as you know I am the Master Chef so I was asked to do the cake. For the first time ever I made a chocolate sponge cake...well two actually and they look perfect! I will however never taste them. I can honestly say I am Ok with that. I am also in charge of making little caramel tarts and this chocolate mousse that I love, with Hazelnut Prailine in it and I am OK with that. The cake will be put together with two layers of Raspberry's and cream and one layer of the Hazelnut Prailine Mousse, topped with a white chocolate Ganache. I know it sound amazing but you and I will never know just how good it will taste!!!!

So for the most part my first 4 days have been a total success. I will be in touch and let you know how my treck for freedom continues!!!!
Bring on that 90kg Pedicure!!!! Only 5.1 kgs to go!!!!!!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Day 1

This is me...for now anyway!!!

So I get on the scales this morning to weigh myself the morning of the first day on Dr Cohen's Lifestyle Programme and I knew I was bigger than when we went to China. However I was not prepared for what I saw. I had gone to China 94kg and the only goal I set for myself, was not to gain any weight while away. I didn't, I ate whatever was going and then with all the walking we did it just balanced itself out.

So then my plan when we got home was to get serious...LOL yeah whatever that means. So about 3 weeks after we returned I said to Ronnie (that's my husband) I really want to give this programme ago. There are a couple of reasons, first of all my overall health. Energy, weight, brain function, you see it is not just another diet, you are in affect beginning to treat the problem of obesity and everything that goes with that by using food as your medicine!!! I love that.

Ok so back to the scales...99.1kg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is not a bad thing however as it is just so motivating to move away from 100kg. I am officially the heaviest I have ever been not pregnant. So it would seem this is the perfect time for me to start on the road to better health and happiness.

So I am going to be tracking my progress with you and keeping a journal here to help me vent the good the bad and the ugly of the next 6 months. Firstly I am going to be marking down the milestones I will achieve and outline how I am going to reward myself. I will start with the 10kg losses or no I think I will celebrate the breaking of different barriers in tens, e.g. 90kgs, 80kgs, etc.

90kg - Pedicure
80kg - Buy yourself a gift (new earrings, shoes etc)
70kg - Buy a new church dress
62kg - AT GOAL - New jeans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok the other milestones I am going to celebrate is in picture form...so it will be its own reward.

First is fitting into this pair of jeans

Adele looked and saw we could make the letter "A" out of the jeans, so we took two pictures.

The next is fitting into one of my favourite dresses ever, I always felt great in this dress and just lovely the simple classic design.

Ok so my third and final will be a photo in those new jeans I purchase when I make goal....62kg!!!

Ok time to dedicate myslef to being a Mama!!

Over and out...